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October 31 Lateral sinkingHello.
There are some thoughts which are floating in my head, interfereing with my studying. I catharsise them here.
To catch a cold, you have to think like a cold.
When suicide was illegal, a slogan should have been "Give me freedom to give me death"
"Anti-choice" and "Anti-life" would make that particular argument more contentious.
Some courses have progressive assessment, where assessments are held throughout the course. Why don't some courses have regressive assessments, where marks are gradually deducted whenever you screw up?
Yours,
Yue October 21 Out, damn spot!Hello.
As you might not know, the inaugural "Shonky Awards" were held recently, being awarded to products that are, in a word, shonky. The winner was the Life Miracle Magnetic Laundry System, which claims to obviate the need for detergent through the simple expedient of MAGNETS! As soon as I read this, I saw through the pathetic facade (built of smoked-glass mirrors) - clearly, it was a conspiracy by the laundry powder corporations - they have everything to lose if such a product were to become popular. It was clear that, like the Hardy Boys (at least, as far as I am given to believe, having only a cursory acquaintance with their works), I had to investigate for myself.
I immediatedly trained my browser on www.hotofftheshelf.com.au, the distributors of the alluringly named Life Miracle system. I was quickly struck by the irony inherent in this online store's URL. Clearly, they had a webmaster after my own heart. From here, it is commendably easy to navigate to the Life Miracle page where one can vet the Life Miracle for oneself. I present my findings below.
"Freedom from chemicals"
This is an impressive claim. Sadly, I discovered it was false, as the clothes still have to be washed in the dangerous solvent hydrogen hydroxide (LD50 = 8L, implicated in many deaths every year [1]). On the plus side, however, this image give the clear impression that the Life Miracle system also gives you freedom from gravity. "No More Messy Chemical Spills In the Laundry Room!" "This Is Absolutely the 21st Century Laundry Detergent Alternative." At this point, I reached what I assumed would be an in depth explanation of how Life Miracle system rends dirt molecules asunder through the power of magnetics, probably involving at least two of Maxwell's equations. I took a double dose of my PTSD tablets for second year physics, just to be on the safe side. Brace yourselves. "The Life Miracle® Laundry Detergent Alternative System works under a unique means of water maintenance through application of magnetic force. Water has long been known as the "universal solvent". The laundry balls use very strong, specially calibrated magnetism to help alter the basic nature of water and increase its natural solvency." "In the 1950's, It was found that chemicals could change the molecular structure of water with the world's first laundry detergent. It was understood that you needed to reduce the surface tension of the water to help it to clean better. They did it chemically. We are able to achieve similar results without chemicals. On an atomic level, everything is affected by magnetics. The Life Miracle® Laundry System cleans garments utilizing the influence of magnetic hydrodynamics instead of harsh laundry detergent chemicals." I pause only to share some of the other hilarity that 'Hot off the shelf eco friendly & practical products' provided me with: "[Goji] berries are so sensitive that they are best shaken off the plants carefully and not touched by hands or they will oxidize, turn black and lose potency. SO, how potent are they? The goji is believed to be the densest food known to man." "[the Goji berry] contains 19 Amino Acids, (six times higher than bee pollen)" However, it got funnier. For the Johnny-Light toilet bowl lighting system: "No ,more broken hips for grandma" Yours, [1] This chemical goes by many names. See also www.dhmo.org [Edited for grammar 27/10, 29/10; edited for maths 5/11. Apparently I can't tell the difference between 3 and 6. Mortifying] October 16 Weighty issuesHello.
To my chagrin, I recently caught myself watching "The Biggest Loser" on television, presumably after my faculty of reason underwent staff cutbacks due to excessive fatigue. To my greater chagrin, I could not tear myself away from the monitor; the combination of suspense and spectacle was too much for my already attenuated will to handle.
After mustering up enough self-discipline to reach escape velocity and leave the pull of the program, I pondered why this show was so popular. The conclusion I reached was that, in the perverse society we live in today, in which 64.5% [1] of American adults are overweight, such a show lets people feel better about themselves. However, in my research I discovered that obesity still second to smoking as a cause of preventable death. Therefore, I propose a new television show: "The Biggest Quitter". In this show, former chain smokers compete to reduce their daily cigarette intake for a large cash prize. Boggle as contestants go cold turkey! Marvel as they reduce their risk of lung cancer! Et cetera!
If this show becomes successful, I imagine variations in the mould of "Survivor" - "The Biggest Quitter: Cocaine", for example, or "The Biggest Quitter: World Of Warcraft". In this world of "The Biggest Loser" and 798 million undernourished [2], anything is possible.
Yours,
Yue
[2] 2003 figures. p. 22, http://www.unsystem.org/scn/Publications/AnnualMeeting/SCN31/SCN5Report.pdf September 24 Pheaturing PhrenologyHello.
Today I'd like to talk about something that's close to my heart - the distance is about a foot. I present:
Science Reviews - Phrenology
Some of you may be familiar with phrenology. For those of you who aren't, here's the lowdown - Phrenology isn't just a science, it's a pseudoscience! The premise of phrenology is that a person's character can be determined by studying the shape of someone's cranium in the same way that one may, say, read a topographic map. Phrenology differs from certain branches contemporary neuroscience in two main ways - neuroscience describes regions inside the brain as being connected to particular function, while phrenology is a load of codswallop. In a sense, phrenology has been unfortunate - its creator, Franz Joseph Gall (1758 - 1828) did not have the foresight to create a highly marketable medical system, which must have been particularly, ahem, galling. Today, sales of phrenologically related good and services (comprising primarily of callipers [known in the trade as craniometers, in the same way I refer to my desk lamp as The Illuminatrix], and busts, which, to the disappointment of customers, were not eponymous) have sadly dropped below that of comparable fields, such as homeopathy and aromatherapy.
Facts:
Many of the initial assumptions of phrenology were accurate.
Pros:
Non-invasive!
Cons:
Not really a science.
Rating:
Five thumbs up.
I leave you with Ambrose Bierce's definition of phrenology in The Devil's Dictionary:
PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.
Yours,
Yue September 15 Koan the BarbarianHello.
I was recently meditating over a kōan when I was enlightened. Enlightened, that is, as to the outrageous treatment of the differently abled in Zen Buddhism, and other ancient schools of thought. Such was the depth of my wrath that I decided to rewrite (or bowdlerise, as some wags have put it) some of the offending passages. Why, for example, should someone who is sensibly [1] impaired be prevented [from attaining nirvana? - Edited 24/9] I present to you:
Zen and the Art of Being Politically Correct
1. Koans for the Deaf
2. Taoism for the Mute
3. Nietzsche for the Weak Willed
I hope I have inspired my readers to go out and re-imagine classic works which may be offensive to some parties. Yours,
Yue [1] Having the faculty of sensation. Cf. The title of the novel Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen. It is this author's opinion, however, that in this age of political correctness gone mad, many people are sensibly impaired in a far more pernicious fashion. September 13 Science ReviewHello. Science Reviews - Mathematics Mathematics is an integral part of society. It is the father of the sciences, much like Uranus was the father of the titans. However, it is generally accepted that mathematics has more balls [1]. Many people believe mathematics to be the study of numbers, in the way that chemistry involves the study of the elements. However, this assumption breaks down when you conduct a search for numbers in nature; you will find zero. In reality, mathematics is a group of wide ranging fields in which mathematicians establish truths from assumptions. September 10 Puntification[May contain some wordplay]
Hello.
It occurs to me that there at least two types of humour described in deliciously gastronomical terms - 'corny' and 'cheesy'. Now, these two terms are often used interchangeable, however, I've noticed some differences.
From my experience, corny jokes tend to contain a kernel of truth. Although they are often hastily cobbled together, some may be amaizeingly well put. However, they generally need to be cropped short as many people don't have good ears for puns.
On the other hand, cheesy quips tend to be more light and brieezy. The quality tends to vary, with some being particularly goudas the result of an unfetad wit. Others, however, have leicester recommend themselves. Sophisticated humourists may use a paneer of gloucester hide their cheesier gags; if they become desperate, even classical mythology references are used - for example, including a gorgon; Zola, the french novelist, is also a good choice. To conclude, bad humour need not necessarily leave one feeling blue.
Yours,
Yue
September 06 Shock and warHello.
It seems that topical content is all the rage these days. It's something that can really be applied to everyday life - an ointment for the soul in these times of trouble. Hence, a deluge of current references - a topical storm, if you will.
In university life - the government's policy of racism and war on students seems to be winning out over groups such as 'Students Against Racism and War' - known phonetically as SORE. Student elections are coming up - as I was informed by a bash at recent
In other news - Steve Irwin has tragically passed away - who will hunt crocodiles now? Not John Howard, that's for sure. He was busy stating that it was not, in fact, embarrassing that the government had learned about the death sentences of Australian drug traffickers in Indonesia through media reports. In the US, an unfortunate man was crushed to death by a pet python - a sad case of snakes that constrain. In interplanetary news, Mars attacks Earth - their leader has declared war on Terra.
Pun, Book Review and Horoscope: Topic of Capricorn.
Yours,
Yue
September 03 A used adverb strangelyHello.
It seems to behoove say a few words about oneself. If there's one thing that the internet can teach you, though, it's that those words don't necessarily have to be true, as true doesn't always make for good reading. Hence, I shall let my imagined readership be the judge.
Born haloed by the warm glow of Chernobyl's gamma radiation, our protagonist was destined for higher things. Standing seventeen feet tall with a shock of hair black like the nights of hell and eyes burning with an intensity not since found, excepting the field of astronomy, the hero of our story bestrode the world like a colossus. Verily, all other colossi were as mere titans compared to he. Now, having been imprisoned in a bleak world of eternal stasis by martians from outer space, our inchoate defender of righteousness can only wait until England needs him once again.
So there you have it.
Yours,
Yue September 01 New, tautologous beginningsHello.
Call me yue. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It is a truth universally acknowledged that people like to pastiche famous starting lines. Welcome, dear friends. You may or may not know me. The weblog, I think, is characterised by an exhibitionist-voyeur relationship, so I shall do my best to play my part. If you're reading this, you've already consented because god know I haven't told anyone to read this!
A person who keeps a private diary is writing to an audience as much as someone who keeps a log like this. You may know me and be reading this because you stumbled upon it accidentally. If you do and have, you might ask yourself, has yue taken leave of his senses for an indefinite period, his return a matter of wager? The short answer is, yes. The long(er) answer is, writing is cartharsis.
Some people 'blog' about how their day has been, &c. [1]. However, I disagree with this view. If you know me, you'll know or can ask me. If not, it probably doesn't matter to you. The superior writer tries to inform and entertain! So there you have it. Because every book seems to have a chapter 1 entitled 'New Beginnings', despite the prevalence of old beginnings - there is a veritable surfeit of these, from which apathetic writers seem too lethargic to choose.
Yours,
Yue
[1] The ampersand was originally a ligature of the letters e and t, for the latin 'and', 'et'. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ampersand. Words are delicious. |
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